*He goes for a bike ride last night, he doesn't come back, he doesn't answer his phone, the police can't find him because they're busy chasing some fucking stray dog.
Fiona spent the whole night worrying that he'd been jumped or murdered by George Galloway or died of his own stupidity after attempting to jump the bike off a park bench.
That was bad enough.
But now he's waltzing through the front door like nothing's wrong.*
Alastair. Where the FUCK have you been?